caterpillar call the end, is butterfly

Reframing Identity...

Think of a “normal” transition, such as when a person gets married. Those individuals who successfully emerge from their honeymoon year will have made a shift from thinking primarily about themselves, their old friends, and their family of origin, to putting 110% of their attention into this new relationship and their shared marital identity. Society recognizes this in the wedding ceremony by having the family of origin and/or friends release the couple. The father of the bride, having walked her down the aisle, steps back, and takes a seat with the spectators. In both the ritual and the toasts before the meal, words are spoken as to how these two are no longer independent players on the world’s stage, but  bound into a new identity, often further symbolized by sharing a new last name. The honeymoon further segregates the couple for a brief period, so they might begin the work of reframing their identity.

William Bridges says:

“Change is situational. Transition, on the other hand, is psychological. It is not those events but rather the inner reorientation or self-redefinition that you have to go through in order to incorporate any of those changes into your life. Without a transition, a change is just a rearrangement of the furniture. Unless transition happens, the change won’t work.”

Trauma induced transitions are more like the reframing of identity that a caterpillar must undergo when it becomes a butterfly. The creature who has spent day after day munching along a two dimensional leaf, must reframe its entire identity to become a creature of the air. No wonder the early Christians engraved butterflies on the walls of their catacombs to speak of how they had already begun to ponder the great transition of death. Those who die, do not sleep, but undergo an extreme metamorphosis of their identity.

Here and now, we are children of god.

What we will be has not yet been made known.

But we know that when Christ appears, we shall be made like him…      

 (I  JOHN 3:2 )

There’s an old saying, “Don’t ask a fish to tell you about water.”

When we see ourselves in the mirror, we notice minor detail and miss the reality. We are not who we once were.  We rarely see how much has changed. The image of our former selves is too deeply rooted in our minds.

We inherited a certain identity from our family of origin. It may no longer suit us. Who do we desire to be? Transition’s forced  quest for self-understanding promises to reshape us into something more appropriate to our souls.

monet cathedral seen right

The Impressionist painters challenged the art world by seeing the reality of light and subject in a new way. A photograph of this cathedral is not as authentic as Monet’s impression of how the light transformed it throughout the day. Your soul seeks for you to take a fresh look at your identity.

Why Identity Matters

  • Your identity will determine who you attract and join into your inner circle of friends, advisors, and coworkers. Healthy companies realize that the job interview isn’t meant to weed out bad applicants, but to give a chance for both worker and business to discuss whether their identities are in alinement. Does this job fit me? Do you understand our company’s DNA?
  • External factors such as physical body-type, race, language, family or clan, may determine many things in life. But these circumstances are minor compared with the invisible, internal, influence of our soul. The soul will outlive the body. Faith teaches us not to complain about this.
  • Saying, “I am an American,” “a Christian,” or a fan of this or that team, is a mere beast-like  grunt. These utterances are shortcuts. They often obscure the wiser language of the soul as we seek to discover who we are.
  • Your new reframed identity will serve you long after this trauma and transition is in the rear view mirror
look in the mirror

Some Examples

When Jacob wrestled with the Angel of the Lord at the Jabbok River (Genesis 32:22-32), his hip was put out of joint. He limped into his new identity as tribal patriarch with a painful reminder that none of us chooses who we will become. His name was changed from Trickster (Jacob means, “one who grabs the heal,” or pulls your leg) to Israel, one whom God fights for (or with). Under Moses, the  people reframed their identity by first letting go of the things of Egypt. They stopped seeing themselves as slaves and became a nation under God. Following 911, the American people reframed their identity to become a people seeking secure through isolation. For twenty years we have been building walls and resisting the globalization happening around us. Now we find this identity being reshaped by a virus that ignores our border patrols.

At retirement or when a worker unexpectedly loses their career, there is often a struggle to rediscover who we are. After 33 years of serving in local churches as a pastor, I entered a new career as a writer and digital content provider. I had to learn to sit quietly in church, no longer being expected to preach. The phone stopped ringing with requests to visit the sick, perform weddings, or burry the dead. My new identity took years to establish itself. I said no to activities that belonged to my former career and yes to things that developed the skillset I needed as an independent author.

The Apostle Paul writes: 

Don’t let the world around you squeeze you into its own mold, but let God re-mold your minds from within, so you may prove in practice that the plan of God for you is good, meets all his demands and moves towards the goal of true maturity.

(Romans 12:2 J.B. Phillips)

Face Current Reality

This page begins the transitional journey by confronting what has changed and what will never change.  Step this way…

Reframe Identity

Early in our journey we must choose to become a more authentic self. Ready? Then  Step this way…

Accept Grief and Loss

To go any further in our journey, we must release what we cannot hold and accept the work of grief. Step gently now…

Make Appropriate Decisions

The last step slowed you down. Now you can be more deliberate and think deeply. The journey is more important than the goal. Step this way…

Plan for the Future

We glimpse what lies ahead as we rethink our mission and values.Transition gives us new feet, designed for another life. Ready to think ahead? Step this way…

© COPYRIGHT 2020 – BILL KEMP (NOT PERFECT YET PUBLISHING)

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