evening to day transition

Transition Verses Change

We will undergo many changes in our lives, but only a few genuine transitions. Transition is characterized by: Disorientation, Loss, difficult Decisions, a change in Identity, New Relationships, and going onto the next Stage of Life.

   Some “normal” transitions are: Birth, School, Adolescence, Marriage, Military Service, Choosing a Career, Unemployment, Disability, Divorce, Midlife, Retirement, and Death. In each of these, who you were before is different from who you are afterword. Your key relationships change. The type of decisions you make, and how you make them, changes.

Unexpected and unusual transitions, such as ones caused by the coronavirus, war, natural disasters, have a similar effect. We may physically recover, but feel spiritually and emotionally at sea. We find we can’t really go back to the way things were before.  

Seven Rules for a Soulful Transition

1) Always practice self-care. Body, Soul, and Mind, each have needs. Which have you been neglecting? 
2) Stop trying to save others. As one book title puts it, “Put on your own oxygen mask first.” 
3) Be careful of free advice or commonly held opinions. Listen instead for the softer voices of those you failed to notice before. 
4) Know that your leaders, bosses, and trusted guides may change or abandon you. Moses gave way to Joshua in the Exodus transition. Don’t rush to replace your fallen heroes. When the student is ready, the teacher will come. 
5) Be honest with others and yourself. Now is the time to hate half-truths and white lies.
6)  Focus on your process and the natural order of things. Sense what is healthy, compassionate, and soulful.
7) Don’t set hard goals. Wait to act until you are clear about your destination. While in transition, you are only responsible for taking the next step.

We’ve read the sign. It says “Thwop.” And now we experience Trauma. You can think of poor Ziggy tumbling down the hill. At the bottom he will be disoriented. He may have lost his pack. He has to decide if he will to go to the hospital. For a while, he will identify himself as a victim. He will form a new relationship with whoever comes to help him. 
Again, transition differs from change in that it is characterized by:
Disorientation,  Loss, Decisions, New identity, New Relationships, and the need to move on to Another Life

Whose fault is it?

It’s really nobody’s fault. When we experience a trauma, receive terrible news, or enter a wilderness period, our natural reaction is to seek an explanation. We begin to bargain with ourselves. If I can just recognize what I did wrong, then I can fix it. Things will go back to normal. Maybe I can talk the boss into not laying me off.  Perhaps a change in my lifestyle will take the cancer away. Stop the divorce proceedings, I’ve found a fantastic counselor. Or, “they say, ‘it’s a pandemic.’ But, we’ll find the cure next week and get back to building our economy.” It’s all very much like trying to unscramble eggs.

stress is a big cat in a small box
Insanity is often defined as doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

Self-care in transition often requires a list. In normal times, we take care of ourselves within limits. Work needs done, our family cared for, friendships kept current, etc. We allow ourselves a limited amount of self-indulgence, just to keep sane enough to do the more important stuff. In transition, self-care is vital. There is chaos all around us, we need some time for ourselves. 
   Make a list in which you specify:

  • How much time you will devote each day to exercise
  • Who will provide mental support and assurance to you?
  • Who (or what entertainment source) can be depended upon to make you laugh?
  • What activities and people will you avoid until the transition is over?
  • What 15 to 30 minute calming and enjoyable activity will you schedule into your days?
  • How will you ensure that you get adequate sleep (7-8 hours a night)?

About Anxiety

Anxiety is a state of excessive uneasiness and apprehension. It is ubiquitous fear. Fuzzy fear. In Anxiety both the thing(s) that we fear and the thing that will make us feel better, is undefined. Anxiety often leads to compulsive behavior and panic attacks.

To paraphrase Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina, All normal time is normal in the same way. Each time of transition is anxious in its own way.

Anxiety hates process. It hates it when we simply accept the journey, pack for the wilderness, and trust that we will get through this. Anxiety keeps the mind racing. It wants to skip to the end, or to go back. We have to remind ourselves to put one foot in front of another. Stay calm and work through the transition.

Face Current Reality

This page begins the transitional journey by confronting what has changed and what will never change.  Step this way…

Reframe Identity

Early in our journey we must choose to become a more authentic self. Ready? Then  Step this way…

Accept Grief and Loss

To go any further in our journey, we must release what we cannot hold and accept the work of grief. Step gently now…

Make Appropriate Decisions

The last step slowed you down. Now you can be more deliberate and think deeply. The journey is more important than the goal. Step this way…

Plan for the Future

We glimpse what lies ahead as we rethink our mission and values.Transition gives us new feet, designed for another life. Ready to think ahead? Step this way…

© COPYRIGHT 2020 – BILL KEMP (NOT PERFECT YET PUBLISHING)

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